Hello Lovely, 

I haven't posted much after I built this website because I've just been dealing with a lot to be honest. My world kinda fell apart once my birthday hit. My landlords that I had been renting a room from for almost a year slapped me with this insane lease and gave me less than 24 hours to sign (there was no way in hell I was going to agree to their insane and illegal terms, so I had to leave), I got my phone stolen, I lost my source of income, I realized that some of my closest confidants really didn't care about me as me much as I cared about them, I felt like I lost everything that was precious to me about in a months time. 

I'm still in the midst of rebuilding since then. Things aren't perfect, but they are getting better as each day passes. I'm excited to be looking for apartments this next month with my lover, I have so many wonderful ideas on what theme each room will be and how to make things whimsical and cozy for us and my kitties. I landed a new job thankfully. I'm not in love with it, but I like the stability that it offers me. I have a set schedule with good days off, I get usually at least 1 hour of overtime each day, I get good healthcare starting next month with medical, dental and vision and it is forcing me to start a 401k. The biggest thing that sucks about it is that I work graveyards everyday and the environment at work is kind of depressing at times. But I have had a lot of jobs and understand that none of them can be perfect. I think this job will be a good platform to build the life I truly want from.

While I'm in adjusting to this new job and finding a new place to live permanently, I'm giving myself time and space to dream of what I want my life to look like moving forward. I'm thinking about maybe going back to college for Business and taking some fun classes in years time. I really want to work on my health; I want to go to therapy and get prescribed meds for ADD/ADHD again since I have been without them since childhood. I'm excited to go to the dentist and get my wisdom teeth finally pulled and get invisalign. I wanna start doing hot yoga and barre classes. I wanna work on my finances. I'm thinking about going to beauty school to maybe learn hair, nails and makeup. I have lot that I want to explore and try.

I was feeling pretty discouraged about my musical path because I had someone that had wanted to partner with me on bringing my music to life keep promising me these grand opportunities without giving me any actual days to truly work on these ideas together and continually putting me on the back burner. Then I joined this songwriting group I got invited to by this nice A&R for a bit. While I liked what they were working toward, it was incredibly time consuming in the midst of me having to study for work exams (if I didn't pass these exams, I would literally lose my employment). I felt like I was out of place in this group a lot of the time because I sounded too “different” compared to a lot of the other singers and writers that make classical R&B and just felt like my contributions and the time I put into it were never enough. Everyone was nice, but I just got overwhelmed with everything and felt like I was losing sight of what I really wanted, which is to make music for myself. It made me realize that I'm not ready to write songs to pitch to other people because I still haven't even gotten to put out the songs that I have written for me. My depression got really bad and I put my music equipment in storage for 2 months because I just felt like such a failure. But out of nowhere the past few days, I got inspiration to write some new songs again. 

I still have this deep desire to write and to sing, and I want to bring my music to life, but I think I just have to stop trying to work with other people on my music in certain capacities because every time I have tried to work with others, I just get stalled entirely and nothing ever gets finished, yet they see stars in their eyes and like my potential but they never help me actually reach it. Right now I'm in the midst of figuring out all the little grueling steps I need to take to get my music registered and building a game plan for myself. I have a lot of stuff in the vault that's unpolished. I just need to finish everything up and see it through. It's just a lot being a one woman team (but I think getting back on add meds will help me with the follow through, not gonna lie), but I am working towards it slowly but surely. All this moving I've had to do every 1-2 years has really slowed me down, but damn it, I'm gonna put this shit out and it's gonna be good. I'm just trying to be patient with myself, get grounded, and see it through. Thanks for listening. I hope you're doing well.

With Love, 

Shaye